Wedding Wednesday: How to tell if he's "the one"

I'm so honored to welcome Kelli to the blog today!!

Hi! My name is Kelli and I blog at eat.pray{read}love. I am so happy to be here today on Aleks's blog, talking about one of my favorite topics: marriage.
I am so excited for Aleks and Brad's upcoming wedding, and pray they have a beautiful marriage.

My hubby Ben and I have been married ten years- so very hard for me to believe. (and yes, we were babies when we got married!) The last ten years have been truly great.  God blessed me with an awesome man. Seriously. And I am very passionate about the women in my life marrying an equally great man themselves. My husband and I do lots of premarital counseling (one of our couples is getting married tomorrow, and our entire family is in it! So excited.) and even though we were young and naive when we got married, we have learned so much about what to tell others to look for in a spouse.

At our wedding. See, babies? :)

While there's no perfect formula, here are a few things to consider when questioning,
 "Is he (or for guys, is she) the one?"

1.) Pray, pray, pray- separately from one another
When I began to notice Ben in a more-than-friendship way, I prayed. Prayed that God would give me peace if this was right, and take away my peace if it was wrong. I never felt one moment's hesitation in dating him, becoming engaged to him, or married to him. 
Notice I said to pray separately. (This goes for the beginning of the relationship. Of course after a while, you will begin to pray together.)
Sometimes, if you're praying with the man about the man, your answers may become muddled by emotions.

Also, look into scripture. Some things are easy to see- is he a believer? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Does he exhibit the fruits of the Spirit? (Galatians 5:22-23)
Is able to lead you AND love you like Christ loves us? (Ephesians 5:23, 24)

Now obviously, no man is perfect, but the point is that the man you marry should be striving to be a godly man

2.) Listen to others in your life
Hopefully you have wise parents in your life to help you out, but if you don't, find several mentors!
Ask your pastor, singles minister, Bible study leader, whoever.
Also ask your mature girlfriends.
If nobody in your life thinks he's as great as you do, there may be a problem.

Many times, others can see the potential problems in a potential spouse that we don't see- because we don't want to. I dated a guy in college for a couple of years, and everyone around me told me he wasn't the one for me. We were nowhere close to being engaged, and I'm so glad it didn't get that far. I only wish I'd listed to my parents and friends earlier!

On the other hand, most of my family saw what a great hubby Ben would make before I even saw it! Everyone wholeheartedly loved him and welcomed him to the family.

on our 10th anniversary trip

3.) Talk about big life issues before he puts a ring on it
You want 4 kids, he wants none? That's a problem, possibly a deal breaker.
You want to travel the world, he wants to live in his hometown? You better discuss it!
While we will never agree with anyone on everything, there are issues that must be nailed out before engagement, or you may find yourself with a broken heart down the road.
Big issues you should either agree or compromise on:
Finances- who will work, how much you spend/save/give
Kids- how many you each would ideally like to have
Living- in the town where you live now, or move? If you live in separate towns, who will move when you get married?
Church- if you don't go to the same church, who will switch? Or will you both find a new church?
Now granted, it's probably not wise to bring up all of these issues on the first date, but I do think it is very wise to begin learning about one another sooner in the relationship rather than later.

4.) Do you get along and enjoy one another's company?
This one seems like a no-brainer, but I am surprised at the number of couples I've observed over the years who fight constantly, talk badly behind the other's back, don't trust one another and just overall don't even seem to like each other. Then they say they want to get married!
Um, I really don't get that. Marriage lasts a really long time, and even though no couple gets along 100% of the time, if you're fighting 80% of the time, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
Marriage is a lot more fun when you enjoy the other's company!

sometimes we just go to a park and read! 

Ladies, I really pray for you. I know that dating these days can be pretty scary, and you may wonder if the right guy is out there. Please don't settle! If a guy doesn't truly love you and treat you respectfully, it's not worth giving him your whole life.

Beautiful advice Kelli!
Thank you so much for sharing!!!


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Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.