it has been 12 days.
why dont i feel any better?
why do i still feel like crying at the drop of a hat?
why do i feel sick to my stomach every time i hear his name?
why did this happen to me? to my family? to MY baby brother?
12 days ago my baby brother was in a tragic, fatal car accident.
not even 50 yards from my dads work.
my mother was actually driving by when it happened.
she saw the emts pull his lifeless body from the car.
why was it my brother?
i would gladly, freely, take his place.
there was so much in this world he had yet to experience,
and he had so much to offer.
why couldnt there have been a little more time?
why did he have to die so fast, so young?
why couldnt they save him?
why is this happening?
i cant wrap my head around it.
i cant bring myself to realize that christmas will be quiet, halloween will no longer be exciting, his birthday will just be another day.
he was turning 21 in aug.
i was supposed to buy him his first legal drink.
i am the older sister.
i am supposed to take him out and spend all night taking of him because he drank too much.
i am supposed to buy him expensive beers and cheap liquors.
i am supposed to be his confidant.
we were supposed to be best buds.
why is this allowed?
why does God allow this to happen?
this was my brothers car.
the little blue one.
he hit the giant yukon head on, at at least 45 mph.
they say he practically died on impact.
the trama surgeon worked on him for an hour,
they only got two beats from his heart,
and God took him away.
i miss him so much.