I have been feeling stressed to my limits lately. School work. Shop work. House work.
Why does everything I do end with "work"? I find myself greeting these tasks with disdain. Nobody desires to write three papers a week or lessons plans for classrooms they don't even have yet. Nobody desires to clean their home only after it's reached it's height of messiness. But I need these things. I prayed for these things. I started school with this HUGE desire to be something more than I was. I began my marriage with a HUGE desire to be the "Proverbs 31" wife. I even started my shop with a huge desire to inspire children with imaginative play. Why have all of these things become so ugly to me? Has my heart truly lost all it's desires?
God has reassured me time and time again that this is MY season. I am exactly where I should be. All of these things I once loved are destroyed by comparison. I am all too often comparing my life, my shop, and even my marriage to those around me. "I need a bigger apartment", "Softies are a ridiculous idea", "My marriage isn't as exciting because we don't go on amazing adventures". These are the destructive thoughts that used to creep into my head, and slowly make their way into my heart.
This isn't what God has created me for. Those aren't his desires for me. God put the original desires in my heart and I let the enemy take them away. I let him convince me that I was not good enough. But thankfully my God is bigger, and stronger, and forgiving. April is going to be a month of renewing. It will be a month of searching my heart and living closer to Jesus. No comparison, no stress, just love.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”